I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
