My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
