If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
