i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
