I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
Randomize
