dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
