If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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