you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
