dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
