I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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