I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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