I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
