i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
