I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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