a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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