I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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