so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
