I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize