I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i think i have two assholes
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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