Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
