He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
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