the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
