I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
