my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
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Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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