I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Randomize
