Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
