He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Randomize
