I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
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