You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
