chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Randomize
