So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Drunk is not a location!
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
