He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
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and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
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My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
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