You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
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