I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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