when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
