He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
