He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
being pregnant is like rehab
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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