If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
