I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
