Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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