Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
