whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
