So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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