So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
