I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
