I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
