She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
