if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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