i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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