he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize
