Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
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