I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
