Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
There r osticjed everywhere
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
