if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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