Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize
