You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
