So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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