I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Semen is not good for contacts.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
