I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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