Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
The feeling are messing with the penis
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
