Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
